April 2011
8 tags
My Mom: “Come on, you need to stop. Don’t make me look like an idiot.” Me: “You’re right. You do that much better on your own.”
Apr 30th
3 notes
6 tags
Well this looks fun. 
Apr 30th
35 notes
6 tags
People who talk loudly on their cell phones while in the library need to be kicked in the esophagus.
Apr 30th
2 notes
4 tags
With all the ridiculous (but hilarious) things that constantly happen to me, I can sooooo see this happening at my wedding. Sorry, honey. 
Apr 30th
8 notes
I'm a sarcastic bitch, but I'm also one of the...
I’d like to think this applies to me. 
Apr 30th
17 notes
9 tags
"Facebookers"
I’ve expressed my general disdain with Facebook  for quite some time(even though I have one, I rarely use it), and have now compiled a list of the most annoying types of “Facebookers” that contribute to making it the irritating waste of bandwidth that it is. The Ambiguous Idiots: These are the folks whose statuses are surrounded in mystery and annoyance. You know, the ones who...
Apr 29th
10 notes
7 tags
Apr 29th
9 notes
5 tags
Apr 29th
9 notes
thisrandom-deactivated20110624 asked: Thanks so much for following me!
I hope I'm not irritating waste of flesh.
I think I'm just gonna stalk you back because you seem like a cool person, after my taste tho.
Apr 28th
honeybunchesofboobies asked: Holy shit. I love your blog. I think I know what a Tumblr Crush is now. I just went "True story" all the way down as I read your page.
ps. Thanks for the follow. Feel free to talk to me (or bitch at me about stuff) anytime. (:
Apr 28th
1 note
2 tags
Apr 28th
7,565 notes
3 tags
Leggings
Let me preface this by saying that I love fat people. They’re all types of awesome. I like all types of people: fat, skinny, chubby, disproportionate, emaciated; you name it. Point being, I don’t want this to sound like I’m picking on the larger crowd just because it’s easy, or just because I’m a bony dude who looks like a Nazi death camp survivor.  That being said,...
Apr 27th
1 note
7 tags
Dear Drivers,
Inching your way forward every 2.3 seconds at a red light will NOT make it turn green any faster. Calm down…
Apr 26th
3 notes
6 tags
Titanic: Really, Rose?
Ok, so Titanic is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I’ve seen it more times than I care to even think about. It got to a point when I was 7 or 8 where I used to rent it from the video store so often that they would rent it to me for free. Yeah, seriously. But I digress. One thing has always bothered me, though. At the end - you know where Rose is resting comfortably on a fucking...
Apr 26th
7 notes
knockitback asked: I just wanted to tell you that I really love your blog, and that I am not afraid of being insulted. ;)
Apr 26th
7 tags
I just watched my cat fall off the counter in her sleep.
Apr 25th
2 notes
10 tags
A Royal Who Gives a Fuck / Insight on American...
Am I the only one irritated, but equally intrigued by America’s erroneous obsession over the royal wedding? Why should we care about a monotonous pair composed of a silver spoon-fed man with about the most embarrassing case of male pattern baldness I’ve seen for such a young age, and a stuck up woman with the body mass of a mosquito? Well, I’ll tell you why. Our society has experienced an...
Apr 25th
9 notes
7 tags
Apr 25th
5 notes
Being an Atheist on Easter is awkward...
byrneafterreading: I’m just kinda like… “I’ll take another nap..”
Apr 24th
24 notes
captain-ann asked: Thanks for the follow! :)
Apr 24th
5 tags
I think it’s fair to say that we all keep some people’s phone numbers in our phones just so we know not to answer when they call.
Apr 24th
3 notes
7 tags
The Easter Bunny
My brother, who is 9 years old, still believes in the Easter Bunny. How anyone, at the age of 9, can believe that a human-sized rabbit travels to your house at night, eats a few carrots, and leaves a basket filled with Russel Stover chocolate and marshmallow Peeps truly astonishes me. I found the whole idea of it absolutely ridiculous at the age of 5. I didn’t want a giant rodent sneaking...
Apr 24th
1 note
tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
Apr 24th
4 tags
The Oh-So-Classic Introduction
Alrighty. Sooo, I’m not entirely sure why I’ve decided to join tumblr, but I’ve managed to narrow it down to two possible reasons: 1) I’m succumbing to the social network obsessed world in which we now live, or 2) The embarrassing facepalm that has become my social life has resulted in an atypical curiosity stemming from an extended case of immense boredom. I’m leaning toward the latter. Anywhore,...
Apr 24th
87 notes