Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Hanging Cars Out to Dry
So my always-intelligent mother (hoping you can sense the intense sarcasm there) locked her keys in the car last night, which she discovered this morning (as she was getting ready to leave to purchase her daily MOUNTAIN of lottery tickets) after manically running around the house looking for them (the keys) like a crazed cocaine addict craving a snort.
Being the nice pile of turd that I am, I told her I’d go down to the car and use the typical wire clothes hanger technique to unlock the door (I live in an urban area so I know how to do these things).
So I headed downstairs, clothes hanger in hand, and began inserting the hanger in the window crease of the car door to try unlatch the lock.
After about 10 minutes of me FAILING MISERABLY (and subsequently kicking the car while yelling obscenities), I finally got the hanger latched on to the lock, when suddenly my obviously stoned neighbor (who I believe runs an illegal pharmacy in his basement) taped me on the shoulder and slurred: “Hey, didja lock the keys in the car?”
Me: 
I’m standing there with a fucking Old Navy clothes hanger hanging out of whats left of the window of an old, piece of shit SUV that has more rust and twisted metal than the Titanic, and this vertically challenged coke-head has the nerve to ask such an obvious question?!? WHY ELSE WOULD I BE USING A HANGER TO GET INTO THE CAR?!?
The above question he’d asked obviously peeved me, and prompted me to go through my rolodex of sarcastic comments in my head. After giving him that look above ^, I said: “Lock the keys in there? Nahh, see I just washed the car and I’m using this here hanger to hang it out to dry.”
He just gave me a defeated look and calmly stumbled back to his meth lab in his basement. If people kept their stupidity to themselves, I wouldn’t have to be such a dick.
A Royal Who Gives a Fuck / Insight on American Society
Am I the only one irritated, but equally intrigued by America’s erroneous obsession over the royal wedding? Why should we care about a monotonous pair composed of a silver spoon-fed man with about the most embarrassing case of male pattern baldness I’ve seen for such a young age, and a stuck up woman with the body mass of a mosquito? Well, I’ll tell you why. Our society has experienced an exponential intensification of its extreme fixation on greed, material wealth, and power. Long gone are the days where inspiration results from accomplishment, and accomplishment results in notoriety. Both William and Kate - born into their wealth, fame, and power – are famous for who they are, rather than what they’ve done; and our society, as a whole, is shamelessly envious of that. Rather than idolize those who’ve actually made a positive difference, we envy either those who become famous for nothing, or those whose fame is rooted in idiocy, irresponsibility, triviality, and mediocrity. And I’m afraid this discomforting societal flaw is slated to worsen with the passage of time.
