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The name's Peter. From New Jersey. 22 years old. Absurdly sarcastic. Read much more in my "about me" by clicking on the link below. =)
Side note: Many people are wondering why there are no "non-anon" questions on my blog. It's because I answer them privately so my blog doesn't get overwhelmed with questions.
Side side note: I don't do promos.
Side side side note: I don't reblog unless the post is something I really feel needs to be seen.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Hanging Cars Out to Dry
So my always-intelligent mother (hoping you can sense the intense sarcasm there) locked her keys in the car last night, which she discovered this morning (as she was getting ready to leave to purchase her daily MOUNTAIN of lottery tickets) after manically running around the house looking for them (the keys) like a crazed cocaine addict craving a snort.
Being the nice pile of turd that I am, I told her I’d go down to the car and use the typical wire clothes hanger technique to unlock the door (I live in an urban area so I know how to do these things).
So I headed downstairs, clothes hanger in hand, and began inserting the hanger in the window crease of the car door to try unlatch the lock.
After about 10 minutes of me FAILING MISERABLY (and subsequently kicking the car while yelling obscenities), I finally got the hanger latched on to the lock, when suddenly my obviously stoned neighbor (who I believe runs an illegal pharmacy in his basement) taped me on the shoulder and slurred: “Hey, didja lock the keys in the car?”
Me: 
I’m standing there with a fucking Old Navy clothes hanger hanging out of whats left of the window of an old, piece of shit SUV that has more rust and twisted metal than the Titanic, and this vertically challenged coke-head has the nerve to ask such an obvious question?!? WHY ELSE WOULD I BE USING A HANGER TO GET INTO THE CAR?!?
The above question he’d asked obviously peeved me, and prompted me to go through my rolodex of sarcastic comments in my head. After giving him that look above ^, I said: “Lock the keys in there? Nahh, see I just washed the car and I’m using this here hanger to hang it out to dry.”
He just gave me a defeated look and calmly stumbled back to his meth lab in his basement. If people kept their stupidity to themselves, I wouldn’t have to be such a dick.
