Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Mom: Can I borrow $500?
Me: No.
Mom: Just like that?
Me: Yes.
Mom: You don't even want to know what it's for?
Me: No, because I can tell by the retarded look on your face that it's for something stupid.
Mom: It's not stupid! It's for a down payment on an in-house tanning bed.
Me:
Mom:
Me: *Walks away*
Mom: Where the fuck are you going?
Me: To the county courthouse to have your name removed from my birth certificate.
More Mom Wisdom
I was pretty bored today and decided that since my mother was closest to me in proximity, fucking with her would be a good boredom buster. I needed a good laugh at her expense, so I decided to ask her a question that was way beyond her 3rd grade level of intelligence.
I asked: “Mom, do you think President Obama is doing a good job? Would you vote for him again next year?”
She replied: “Sure. I’d vote for him again.”
Hmm. This wasn’t quite the response I expected. I expected her to ask who Obama was and how it’s possible for someone that died a few weeks ago to be president. So I decided to ask a question I KNEW would render a stupid response.
I asked: “Mom, who’s the Vice President?”
She promptly and confidently replied: “Al Gore.”
There it was. That almost incomprehensible lack of intellect and awareness that I have come to know and pretend to love. So, I politely thanked her for the information and proceeded to convulse in laughter as I walked away. I’m so easily entertained.
