If You Have Nothing Nice to Say...Well, Follow Me

Outwardly, you’re like:

But you’re actually thinking:

Let me preface this by saying that I love fat people. They’re all types of awesome. I like all types of people: fat, skinny, chubby, disproportionate, emaciated; you name it. Point being, I don’t want this to sound like I’m picking on the larger crowd just because it’s easy, or just because I’m a bony dude who looks like a Nazi death camp survivor. 

That being said, allow me to get to the point. I’m beginning to notice a rather explosive increase in the number of bigger women/girls who are wearing leggings as pants. Now, I’m not talking about “thick” women, I’m talking about the women whose chunky bits take a bit longer to come to a full stop than the rest of their body. Leggings are just so tight, so thin, so clingy, and wind up making the lower half of such women look like cottage cheese pillars wrapped in sausage casing. If you are one of those women, there are plenty of clothes that you can wear that make you look and feel sexy; so why, while standing pants-less in front of your closet in the morning, would you pick up… a pair of leggings? I mean, do you look down at your legs and think: “yeah, I’m gonna show off these bad boys today!”? I just don’t get it.

Once again, I’d like to close by reiterating that I love fat people. From one former fatty to the ever-expanding millions of others out there: you’re awesome, just try to stay away from the leggings.